So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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