I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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