I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
