So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ttyl tear gas
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
