i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
