I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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