I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
