I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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