i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
