it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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