haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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