let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
