I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found puke in my bra..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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