so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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