i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My life is pants optional.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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