Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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