I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
