Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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