I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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