dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's like iHOP with fire
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
