I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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