Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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