I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
