You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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