I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
