I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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