I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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