i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
