Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
