why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
