Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
