wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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