You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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