Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
