i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
