the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?