I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.