In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.