College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.