I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.