You smell like stripper and shame
if only i could text you this smell
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD