READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
