Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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