I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
