69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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