nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
