We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
