I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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