really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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