so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
