I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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