I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
