The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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