I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
