You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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