you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
