Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize