i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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