I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
