He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He passed out mid-signature
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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