I think I won the penis lottery.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
why do cheetos always look like penises
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
