I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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