Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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