that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How external is "for external use only"?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass