Texts From Last Night

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever

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  (225): were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever http://tfl.nu/h34v
  Replies (30) Good night (6182) Bad night (607)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.

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  (419): so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer. http://tfl.nu/r6k4
  Replies (17) Good night (616) Bad night (7025)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i just identified you from a description of your pipe

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  (248): i just identified you from a description of your pipe http://tfl.nu/awfe
  Replies (13) Good night (5131) Bad night (713)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.

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  (508): Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated. http://tfl.nu/vtpc
  Replies (40) Good night (1354) Bad night (3628)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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  (850): I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night. http://tfl.nu/vbgm
  Replies (10) Good night (4749) Bad night (1332)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

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  (702): So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am http://tfl.nu/tj8n
  Replies (15) Good night (1573) Bad night (3147)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day

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  (602): Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day http://tfl.nu/7jqo
  Replies (17) Good night (3534) Bad night (1188)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate

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  (814): All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate http://tfl.nu/wczm
  Replies (1) Good night (1641) Bad night (848)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.

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  (479): Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep. http://tfl.nu/7jgb
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (474)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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  (860): You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES" http://tfl.nu/55vp
  Replies (7) Good night (1733) Bad night (545)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.

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  (405): We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch. http://tfl.nu/g5x2
  Replies (4) Good night (1579) Bad night (450)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward

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  (905): I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward http://tfl.nu/lq2w
  Replies (18) Good night (1363) Bad night (565)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

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  (207): Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk. http://tfl.nu/4vbt
  Replies (4) Good night (1705) Bad night (517)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building

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  (586): Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building http://tfl.nu/p9dh
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (454)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.

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  (512): Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl. http://tfl.nu/szyu
  Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (260)

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