I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up