I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
tell me about the fingering
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