Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.