i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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