I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
